Awakening

What is it about the turning of the earth, of the new year and the coming in of spring? It feels both vital and ancient. Made new each time. I was glad my treatment ended with the spring. It made returning to the world that little bit easier. I’d expected that it would be easy, and natural, and great, coming back into the world, but actually

there had been a security and safety in the strange routines of the chemotherapy cycle. Suddenly not having them to define my days, but not really having a full time job to return to yet, (because my return was, rightly, phased) was a more unsettling experience than I’d realised. 

Awakening

Slowly, 

You awaken again. 

The sun weakly warms your skin and you 

smile, your face to the sky.

A gentle walk shows snowdrops forcing their way

into this new year, heads shaking off the cool soil. 

Crocuses, gaudy with their precious flowers, demand to be seen

And admired.

Time ticks on. 

You go back to work. 

No rushing, although you are spring-bud keen to return. 

To shrug off that sleepy, 

Wintery fog of being ill.

Held back, to protect you from your bullish enthusiasm, 

You’d never have said before, but the routine feels good.

The smile is back, and you wish that others would

Look. 

Really look and see there’s no need to ask.

You’re ok now. 

M Holding 2019