Relationships

Firstly, please don’t think that this post is a ‘how to’ manual, or a way to fix anything that you might think is broken in your life. I shall tell you why.

I don’t understand attraction. 

I don’t get why some men make my stomach swim, and bring a throb as the blood rushes, tingling between my legs, and some (perfectly handsome and attractive men) do nothing at all for me. 

But I do know

Awakening

What is it about the turning of the earth, of the new year and the coming in of spring? It feels both vital and ancient. Made new each time. I was glad my treatment ended with the spring. It made returning to the world that little bit easier. I’d expected that it would be easy, and natural, and great, coming back into the world, but actually

A new goal!

There’s something very wonderful about a meandering river, lazily making it’s way to the sea. It might get caught in gentle eddies, it will take as long as it takes. I can be jealous of this lethargy; so often it feel like there’s somewhere I have to get to, and I need to get there now. I wonder (when I get the time to think!) whether this is just who I am, or whether the twenty-first century instills this in me, through the expectation that we’re all doing everything, all the time. Do you feel like that? I think that 

Buddies!

Hello there, and best wishes for the festive season, I hope you’re having a good time! I know I keep coming up with reasons excuses as to why there are such gaps between my writing at the moment, but it does feel that this is a good time to post this section of that time. I’m a lucky lady, I’ve got a good crowd of friends, and they are a crowd as well, they do different things in my life, there are those who I can have a great time with, those I can share fears and worries with, those who will help me out of a jam, when I inevitably get into one, those for

Counting Down

I have an apology to make, for I think I may have been avoiding writing this post. I’ve missed a number of key moments that it would have been savvy to tie in with, the end of a friend’s chemotherapy, my own diagnosis anniversary, and more beside. I suppose there’s that sense of and ending. This isn’t the last post on this blog, but it’s the last one about chemotherapy. I wonder, do you avoid ending things? Last episodes, last pages, relationships, biscuits, things that are more comfortable being there. 

Pushing it

Be kind to yourself. Don’t do too much. Don’t be lazy. Do what you feel you can manage. Try and do something every day. Don’t push it. Accept a pyjama day but don’t make a habit of it. In the contradictory world of chemotherapy, I heard all of these things, from health professional, friends, and family. What makes it worse, is that they were all right. So, not only do you not know quite how you feel, but also it’s not clear what pushing it will be, on that day, in that chemo cycle. So I want to take you back to the day I pushed it, come and walk with me… 

Let's makeup

Makeup, slap, glitter, glam, it’s never been me really. I always like to have a go, and I usually surprise people on a night out, with just a modest amount of eye makeup. I learnt everything I know from bored lasses on the Urban Decay counters in various department stores, who were very happy to show me how to do things to fake being a proper girl when I need to be. It’s handy for weddings and things because it often means that people don’t recognise me, and I can slip by unnoticed at first at least. It has its downside though,